unemployed insanity

10 Tips and Tricks for onlne videos on youtube

2010-09-04T20:02:00.001-06:00

Tip 1 Shorter is always better when it comes to Youtube.

The reason you should try to keep your videos short is because users online have short attention spans. Youtube actually has a filter which separates videos between those that are less than 4 minutes and those that are longer than 4 minutes. In my experience the shorter the video the more views you get. Videos longer than 4 minutes get about 50% less views in my experience.

Tip 2 The more comments you have the more views you get.

I am unique on Youtube in that I tend to engage the people that leave negative comments more than those who leave positive ones. The reason being is often the negative viewer will leave more than one comment if you engage them where as a positive viewer likely will only one regardless if you respond back. Comments get you more traffic in a few ways.

some users will have comments connected to Twitter.
some show all comments in their activity feed.
comments tell search engines the video is creating emotion which matters.

Tip 3 Likes and dislikes are less important than you might think.

Like comments the thumbs up (like) and thumbs down (dislike) can be shared in the users activity feed and twitter. However they do not seem to have as much effect on search engines because often it is more indicative of the viewers like the tuber and not a good indicator of a good video. They are still important but often if you do a thought provoking video people will dislike you for simply disagreeing with them. Sometimes a 1000 dislikes can indicate your video did a very good job connecting with people.

Tip 4 Avoid being too politically correct in your videos.

The top tubers on Youtube often talk about sex, carnage and vulgarity in their videos. If you are a business for example on Youtube you need to think long and hard how to engage people without hurting your core brand. If you look at "Old Spice" they used the narrative of a guy in a shower which allowed them to push the limits without hurting their core brand. For individuals who are just doing it for fun it is much easier but still be aware of the long term implications of everything you do online. I would suggest creating a character which would protect your real name and allow you the freedom to be a little more expressive.

Tip 5 Encourage users to comment and subscribe to your videos.

I am too lazy to do this but if you observe the top partners on Youtube they always tell people both with words and images to comment and subscribe. Create a generic ending for all your videos and simply reuse it if you don't have time to do a new one for each video.

Tip 6 Justin Bieber and Lady Gaga are king on Youtube.

In other words trends matter which is why you will often see the top tubers using titles with Justin Bieber and Lady Gaga in them. Find a few good websites like Twitter, mag.ma or even TMZ and if you can incorporate a trending topic into your video make sure you mention it in the title. This will help you get found in searches.

Tip 7 Sex, carnage and vulgarity is king.

We live in a Beavis and Butthead world. Hate it or love it, this is our world. Keep in mind if your video does go viral Youtube will ask you if you want to do revenue sharing which means put ads on your video. This means don't go to far off the deep end because advertisers won't touch it. KassamG for example always uses sexually suggestive titles in his videos. I am not saying if this is right or wrong but it does get you more views. I call it penis based marketing.

Tip 8 Keyword whoring works.

People will try to make you feel bad for this but all news sites make money off the carnage and sensational stories so why shouldn't you. The only difference between you and them is they get paid a lot more.

Tip 9 Keep current with new applications and website.

Everyday I check out techcrunch.com and mashables.com. The reason being is they both cover new websites, applications and technology related to both mobile and the web. If you know other good sites leave a comment and let me know. The reason I like to keep up to date is because often you come across stuff that can help you create better videos and help you market them.

Tip 10 Understand the online user and keep boundaries.

I refuse to go past private email with anyone. I don't care how old or how young they are the most I will ever do is maybe a private email and even then I am still hesitant. there are many reason for this however in terms of marketing it makes little sense to invest time in a private way that does not help promote your video. Public comments say in a Facebook Fan Page is just marketing so your time is not wasted.

I also suggest really keeping clear boundaries with people. Avoid topics which can and will get you into trouble. You do not know the mental stability of the person on the other end and things can turn badly for you very quickly. That is not to say you have to be cold or mean. Just encourage them to seek out help in their real life. The internet should not replace real person interaction.

Warnings

People will hate on you for no reason on Youtube. DO NOT TAKE IT PERSONALY.
Do not encourage people to kill themselves. Cyberbullying is a crime.
Do not kill yourself is someone tells you to. Tell someone or flag, remove and block the user.
People might threaten to kill you and sadly some mean it so be careful. Just got my first death threat for asking a simple question.

Although I don't have any videos up keep subscribe to my youtube channel to keep up with all my videos. Some I will blog but others I will not because I want you to to subscribe to the channel. I know I am a bastard.. sue me.. actually don't sue me cause I don't have much money.. you could sue to get my bills sent to you. In fact if you want to pay my bills I would be more than happy to send them to you..

http://youtube.com/gebacards

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Everything is a story

2010-08-28T21:09:00.001-06:00

I suppose this blog is where I am going to post all my ideas, thoughts and have it be a sounding board. I am not going to SEO this with keywords or anything, at least not the brainstorming aspect. It has been awhile since I last really got serious about writing. For a long time I just have not felt stable inside enough to write. you see the thing about words is they cost you something if you share them. Meaning they are dripped in the blood of the soul. Forgive me that was morbid which is just the mind set I got into doing a another post to my http://togocats.com blog. I am trying to run 12 or 13 blogs at once. Part of me thinks I am trying to do too much with this character. A guy with multiple personality disorder. It might be too much for people who follow me to keep up. I think all my blogs are linked to http://gebula.com

The main reason I did things this way was so people could choose what they wanted to follow because in some of my blogs I go into areas that might be hard to read. Meaning they deal with issues that could create emotion in people. I know from personal experience that I have to avoid things that create emotion in me.

I am still trying how to do each character. It is hard to first person fantasy.. like I am writing a letter to someone telling them things. I think that is the way I prefer to write as if I am telling someone. togocats will be my fantasy blog where I mix in my imagination more than the other blogs. It is strange writing.. because it isn't something you can just do. It takes awhile to get into the practice of it, plus most of the time it is something I just can't do.. I don't want to go to the places that give my words.. for so long I use to write hoping one person.. the right person would read those words.. sadly in this world life never goes as we want it. boy meets girl..boy wants to impress girl.. girl doesn't know boy exists.. story of my life and why I no longer date anymore. I don't want my words to be for anyone anymore because it leaves you empty when they do not have the desired effect.

I think I am going to look for a typing game. I am always trying to improve myself in hopes that I will get a job. It is hard to motivate yourself when you are without work. It is easy to get distracted by life and the internet offers so many distractions. I think this is one of the biggest problems in industry. how to give people access to the large database that is the web without them wasting time on Farmville. I think if I could code I would build a service for businesses which would use peer pressure to deal with people wasting time. I would simply display the websites people go to and how much time they spend on them. So if someone was spending time playing farmville other people in the office would know and the person playing farmville would know other people know. I wonder if that would work. It is such an interesting thing keeping people motivated. at my last job I found that the less productive you were the better. You could do nothing all day long and as long as you were quiet you were a good worker. I am never quiet because the way we did things was so frustrating.

today or tonight my goal is to practice typing and get through http://www.w3schools.com/js a javascript tutorial. I know HTML at least decent enough and some CSS. I bought a book called the missing manual or something http://amzn.to/9cicdn so far it is pretty good although I still think most if not all books about how to do something are still too complex for the average person. The secret with the internet is to slow yourself down. Meaning that everything in life seems to be going a million miles a minute and when it comes to code it needs to be about an inch a minute. Little things matter so much. Plus it is very complex stuff that most people's minds are not really ready to handle.. so you have to slow it down and be patient.

Anyways till we speak again blog... Ivan

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Cover letter for edmontonsun.com as Web Controller

2010-08-20T16:20:00.001-06:00

Dear Director of Online Operations,

It is like fate has brought us together. Me the jock turned nerd and you the person at Sun Media who decided to write the the job posting for Web Controller. Do you hear the singing in the background? No, well that is because I have no singing talent to speak of and if someone doesn't give me a job, I will never eat. I figure the reason you have not found a Web Controller yet is because you have been waiting for me to apply.
I suppose I could tell you that I was the marketing and sales manager for a small software company in Edmonton. I could tell you that I have been all over the world selling software to large industry and have a ton of experience working with people of different cultures and beliefs. I could tell you how I have a lot of experience with the social web and how I could help a newspaper in that area. I could even talk about SEO, PPC, FTP, CMS, CSS, HTML and other fancy keywords to impress upon you I have basic knowledge of each.

Sadly if I did that you might fall asleep at your desk because if you are posting a job for Web Controller you might not have enough help. This might mean you are overworked and underpaid. Maybe your head hits the keyboard when you fall asleep and you accidentally
delete all the Sun Media websites. Everyone goes broke and I have to join the French Foreign Legion so I can eat.
This leaves me with only once choice for a cover letter and it is funny or die. http://bit.ly/ineedajob
Hopefully this weekend you can go home and tell someone that you will finally get to sleep at a decent hour because you have found the new Web Controller. He may not be perfect but he is willing to work hard and there is not anything he cannot figure out, except how to get a second date.
Sincerely,

Ivan Mahony

“If a man is called a streetsweeper, he should sweep streets even as Michelangelo painted, or Beethoven composed music, or Shakespeare wrote poetry. He should sweep streets so well that all the hosts of heaven and Earth will pause to say, Here lived a great streetsweeper who did his job well.” ~Martin Luther King, Jr.

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another in the wild and wacky cover letters to westword.ca

2010-08-20T11:42:00.001-06:00

Dear westworld.ca:

I called 911 because it is apparent that you must be in need of some medical attention as you still have not called me about my resume. I will send it again because you don't want to miss out on the biggest thing to ever come to your store. I mean that literally because I am 6'4 230 pounds of all man. I wish I could say muscle but sadly as you get older in life you start to grow horizontally not vertically. I tried to contact Lenscrafters about using funny glass to make me appear skinny but they hung up on me.

Maybe you just were using a PC, it crashed because a PC is like an American car, made to break and you lost my resume. No worries I am willing to share with you my genius once again. You are talking about the guy who once had to do a sales presentation commando style. Air Canada lost my luggage and then to make matters more fun the Hampton puts its towel racks above the toilet so when I reached for the towel in the morning I knocked my only pair of underwear into the toilet.

You are talking to the guy who could give ijustine a run for her money in terms of bad dancing skills. When you think about how good bad dancing does on youtube how could you not hire me?

Of course you could have a bad guy pointing a gun at you right now saying do not hire this guy but the chances of that happening are kind of like Microsoft coming out with a PC that doesn't need the motherboard changed every few months.

As the gremlins say to me in my dreams always leave them with "Funny or Die." (Short video)

http://bit.ly/ineedajob

I need a job.

Sincerely,

Ivan Mahony

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Rogers Sleep Shop cover letter I am going to shoot you in the butt

2010-08-19T15:59:00.001-06:00

Dear Rogers Sleep Shop,

Forgive me for being a tad confused but I am stupid. I see the name Rogers Sleep Shop and I can't help but wonder what do you do to make people fall asleep? Do you play some politician giving a speech or do you use hardcore trank guns? Do I get to shoot people when they walk in the store with a trank dart? If so I would be all about working at Rogers Sleep Shop. They wouldn't let me shoot people in the Navy which is why I got out. I traveled the world under the guise of a software salesman hoping to find some place where I could get paid to shoot people, but no such luck. I was hoping with Rogers Sleep Shop I could finally get a job where I can tell my friends I get paid to shoot people.

I just had a thought. It doesn't happen often with me as no good can ever come from thinking. It is like if your girlfriend is late to come over because she got a flat tire, your brain starts thinking of all sorts of other scenarios. No good can come from those thoughts so in general I boycott thinking. However in this case I am going to make an exception to the rule.

My one thought is maybe you sell beds which would also be a dream. If I don't get enough sleep at home I can go to work and take a nap. We can call it modeling the products. Maybe we do a Glee like song jumping on the beds. Maybe we could have a big sleep over and I could come to work in my pajamas, if I wore any. Does Rogers Sleep Shop mind if I come to work wearing just by boxers? When you think about it I am expert on the art of sleeping. You will not find somebody who is more talented in the art of sleeping.

I hope I made you smile. I cannot stand to be boring in life. As they say in Hollywood "funny or die."(short funny video)

http://bit.ly/ineedajob

Sincerely,

Ivan "Connect the Dots" Mahony

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funniest cover letter ever trail appliances in Edmonton

2010-08-19T12:38:00.001-06:00

Dear Hiring Manager,

Do you realize how much finding a job is like a finding a girlfriend? Both seem to always be just beyond my finger tips. First you have to make a good impression which I suck at because I end up rambling on and on in cover letters. Then if you think I rock, you might give me a call back which usually is a message on my phone making me have to call you back. When I 15teen I use to write down what I would say to a girl when I called and sadly I find I must do the same thing when I call back for a job. I gave up dating because it is too stressful and I would like to give up trying to find a job by getting a job. One could argue if you give me a job you are doing mankind a service. Maybe I meant to save the world by making sure every house is pretty with trail appliance house products.

I know you want to know if I am a handy man who can talk shop. I am not a handy man which my mom can attest to. My skill set is righty tighty, lefty loosey. When I see a spider or a pipe spraying all over the place all I know how to do is either call my mom who very manly for a mom or yell flood, flood, flood. In the Navy when a pipe broke you would plug the leak and then put a patch on the pipe. In civilian life you call your mom. Of course being a genius in my own little world I can learn anything you need me to learn. I know how to read and so if I need to know how to build a house I will learn to build a house. You want me to learn enough physics to know how to build a bridge I will learn enough physics. The only thing I cannot learn is how to sing. You don't want to give me a mic and tell me to bring in clients with my donkey sounding vocal skills.

The good news is I know how to sell. I find the Tommy toes technique works the best. Hang people upside down by their toes and I promise you they will buy just about anything to get down. What are your feelings on water-boarding in sales?

I hope you at least smiled. Here is a silly little video to leave you with a smile.

http://bit.ly/ineedajob

Sincerely,

Ivan Mahony

PS.. in other news fountain tire has still not apologized.. fucken cowards.

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ace1advertising.com legit company or corporate fascism?

2010-08-18T20:12:00.001-06:00

My mom the other day brought me home a paper that said most jobs are not even advertised on job posting sites so I couldn't depend on monster.ca to get a job. Of course coming from my mom I gave a grunt and continued doing my thing. I couldn't let her know that likely she right and I had been going about this the wrong way. Just would not be the manly kids know more than their parents behavior. Needless to say I redid my cover letter, made a funny video http://bit.ly/ineedajob , opened up the yellow pages and started sending out my resume to each advertising department in Edmonton. Ok I only made it through about 6 companies because you have to adjust your cover letter for each which by the way takes forever.

One company I applied for was Ace 1 advertising.

What ware your first impression of the company?

1. No favicon: I have never seen a flash site with a favicon so I am guessing you can't add one in flash. Not a 100% sure but I hate websites without favicons cause they make my tabs look ugly.

2. Flash sucks: didn't make sense that an advertising company would make such an SEO unfriendly flash site. The problem with flash is you have to learn how to navigate it and often it is more annoying than enjoyable.

3. Hiring and expanding: It didn't seem like the world's current economic problems had any affect with this company. Seemed odd comparatively because most companies are very specific about who they are looking for. Ace wasn't specific at all making it seem like they were hiring big time.

Why did you apply then?

Why did I fly to Malta to see about a girl? The hope that I might find love. Same thing here.. when you are desperate for work the warning bells do not go off and frankly it is just an email and a cover letter. They could be legit and just need me to welcome them to the 20th or 21rst century of the internet. A lot of companies that are very good companies have crap websites. Building a rock solid website is almost as difficult as finding a company to build it for you.

What happened next?

The way I work through nerves and self doubt is to arm myself with information. I learned from my AMA interview that needed to be better prepared for the interview process. So I went online and tried to find information on the company. There was none except a bunch of ads saying ace 1 is hiring. This is when I started to really have my doubts. For an advertising company it makes little sense to not have a much larger presence online. How could this company be legit and have next to no social presence? I then refined the search and found this one scam alert report. http://bit.ly/ace1advertising I also discovered by researching further than Ace 1 was one of many similar companies and they often had owner get together events and employee get together events.

At this point alarm bells are going off because I have dealt with this type of situation before. where you attract young people with big words, get them to do crap jobs, pay like crap and then have a few get togethers to make everyone feel wonderful. Corporate fascism as I call it.

Why did you bother calling them back?

I almost didn't. I was kind of crushed because here was a company that I thought would help me get my foot into the door in terms of advertising. I was wrong, it was another dime a dozen companies that wanted me to be some dumbass idiot doing door to door canvasing. Still part of you hopes against all odds that they would see my experience and at least offer me a higher level position. Sadly I was mistaken as the very nice young lady said they were hiring customer service reps in Calgary. I was like I live in Edmonton and to be honest I wasn't sure I liked the sound of customer rep anyways, at least not the way they likely defined it.

The lady who was nice kindly referred me to a sibling company in Edmonton which was odd. Apparenlty Ace 1 advertising has an office in edmonton according to the yellow pages.. but is in calgary. By this point I am pretty much thinking to myself not a chance in hell.. and when she mentioned the edmonton company, platinum or something I knew these so called advertising companies had nothing to do with what normal people think of advertising.

Legit company?

It is not nearly as bad as some of the companies I have come across. I have done the door to door thing before and it is hell. People don't want to hear from you and who has money to give these days. Most people are not a fan of paid fundraising, however I imagine it can be effective. Maybe you have to run a business this way for it to work. However from my perspective I hate companies that are not clear in what they are offering. Everything was way too general. So technically it is a legit company, but I would never work for them.

they call me Ivan Connect the Dots Mahony

check out my youtube http://youtube.com/gebacards

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hire me - Cover letter to www.montorio.ca for job as sales guy selling new homes

2010-08-04T08:21:00.001-06:00

You all need a favicon on your website. If I am looking for a new home my thought at seeing a website with no favicon is, "how the heck can I take you serious about building a good home when you miss that little detail?" In fact I would suggest building a new website that actually embraces modern technology to make creating and buying a new home much more fun and interactive. I should be able to take a virtual or video tour of all your house options. I should be able to drag and drop different features for my home and then press a button saying send me a quote or setup an appointment. I would probably suggest building a Zynga like game around building new homes. Of course all that would cost a little and a lot of money. Still it is something you may want to consider doing. At the very least look at what new geo apps are coming out and see if they might be useful. There is a lot of good things you can do in terms of marketing that do not cost a lot.

Until you can afford to get all high tech the next best thing is to hire me. I am desperate being out of work too long cause the recession killed my last job which means I am willing to work extra hard. You won't find anyone better than me at understanding the social web and how it can be used to enhance sales. You won't find anyone with the crazy, wild and wacky sales stories from having to sell software all over the world. You likely won't find anyone as innovative as me either.

Something as simple as video taping the walk through of a house with a client could help generate sales. This way they go home and have something to show their family. If I have done my job right during the walk through it should be obvious why they should want the house. The video will have the audio saying this again so when they watch the video the same message is being said over and over again.

Forgive me for bragging. You never really know what to say in a cover letter. At the very least I hope I was not too boring. Good luck with your search and please get a favicon. It is not hard to make and really easy to add to your website. Also look at putting in a twitter feed. With both Facebook fan pages and twitter being archived in search it is so vital to have a voice there. Check out Foursquare.

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Hire me: Culligan, bulls, power and Zen yellow

2010-08-03T18:41:00.001-06:00

Dear Hiring manager:

About 3 years ago I went on a sales trip to Central America. It actually started in Jamaica, next to Miami, then to Texas, finishing off in Costa Rica. I remember walking through the airport on the way to Costa Rica and being out of clean clothes. The bane of every sales person is the lack of clean clothes and who knew if the hotel in Costa Rica would have laundry service. So I bought myself a bright yellow golf shirt, new pants and under garments.

I flew into Costa Rica on Saturday and spent Sunday enjoying what is some of the nicest country side you have ever seen. Monday comes and my ride drives to a government power plant. When they open the gates to the place a big old bull decides to follow us inside much to the dismay of the guards at the plant entrance. Needless to say it was the perfect pre-sale distraction to get rid of all the nerves.

Finally after the little adventure with the rogue bull, I sat down in a small office and got to present the software to a group of engineers and technicians. The good news is the shirt I bought in the airport is the same color as the plant colors. The bad news is nobody speaks English which makes selling software a tad tricky. Still with just using the mouse to show people the features of the software I get the sale.

The reason I wanted to share this story is because it highlights a key aspect of sales. The ability to adjust instantly to your market. This is something I feel I do very well. I have never depended on a script because I feel my greatest strength is being able to read people and figure out how the product I am selling fills a need. This is what I fell makes me the ideal candidate for the sales supervisor job you posted in Monster.ca.

Thank you for taking the time to look over my resume and cover letter.

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cybersweetness numbers mcpi - rough script for upcoming video response

2010-06-29T20:44:00.001-06:00

The funny thing is nobody loves adobe flash. It makes the browsers look ugly with no favicon. It makes websites slow to load and those fuckers in the ad industry are just evil with flash. Almost everything that comes in flash except for porn I dislike. So when the porn industry said it was moving to html5 you knew it was good bye cause the money follows the hottest piece of ass. Porn sites generally are the leaders in terms of design. They are made for hands free viewing.... muahaha just once I wish someone would watch my videos and say lets talk. I could make millions with a shaving creame that could double as water based lube.

Youtube could learn a trick or two. A rollover preview would previent the hotgirl cover going to an ugly nerd. I am.. I mean my penis is tired of being lied to. Youtube you need to copy the porn sites. And you need to hire me dumbesses.. to fix youtube...

they call me numbers mcpi.. can't code, can't spell but I can fucken dream.. all you ever have to do is tell me what the limits of what is possible and one of these days I will be able to show people the world I see when I close my eyes..

fuck I can't even get my dam website to upload to godaddy..

cool thing is in the future of what is possible we can be the heros can we not.. well not me but guys with beards who make magic happen.. the time is coming.. the time is near.. it dances upon the rise the age of the nerd... where we rise up and fix this world.. figure out how to undo what our parents did. math, science, biology, chemistry and the poet physics teased with perhaps something of providence.. if only people could see the world as we do.. see what is possible. you don't even have to get out of bed. there is the the bad.. good and bad.. and we must find balance.. we must listen to the math..

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Gretchen Carlson Compares Her Job To Being President, Olbermann Names Her 'Worst Person' (VIDEO)

2010-06-24T19:38:00.001-06:00

As Jesus always tells me there is no cure for stupid except TV and politics where the dumb prosper. What can you say about a news anchor that says doing the news is like running america? Don't have kids I suppose?

Luckily for whatever dime a dozen TV personalities that work for fox is the fact she is on TV and she can say whatever she wants. Unlucky for the rest of us where if we said anything so interesting on social networks we would get fired. Makes you think when you sign up for Facebook doesn't it. this idea of corporate censorship.. this idea that what we post in Facebook stays with us for life... and how Facebook will demand you use your real name.. just don't expect them to say anything when you get fired or not hired cause HR departments search the web.

I guess what we can learn from this mess is when you present the news you don't have to be politically correct you just have to be GOP and work for fox where apparently having a brain is not a requirement.
Read the Article at HuffingtonPost

Cuts the mustard everytime is the worst marketing slogan...

2010-06-23T04:07:00.001-06:00

I am almost embarrased to write about this company because of how bad the website is. Maybe it is not entirely bad and it is just the fact I can't understand how there websites that are built that don't have a favicon.. and from a cursory look it doesn't seem like a flash site so it can only mean the company they hired are idiots. Of course I could say that from the fact they don't seem to pushing their vanity social urls which again any idiot who did not go to university could tell you is a 1000 times more important than a company website. Of course if it was me I would have every used car salesman have their own social cobweb so when the lot is slow they can power a feed and with geo apps it should be very easy to target your audience. Dam something as simple as teaching people what to look for when buying a car.. what matters... build trust and never give people another reason to look elsewear to get a car...

don't worry pontiac.. I am not picking on you. I am picking all men of leadership who put their persona in a magazine and don't bother to include social feeds. As far as I am concerned if you are not going social you should just pack up and close shop because where else do you get a tool that will iso your target market and all you have to do is be interesting, be funny, be useful...

your facebook vanity URL is the most important url on the web.. tell me why people.. tell me why 5 people who read this blog.. although someday you all shall come and say you were right Ivan.. I could of saved a ton on useless ads which annoy and just gave 10 gs to a local drama club and had them satire used car salesmen on youtube..

Anyways been fun.. next I make fun of some fat guy in a suit who does art.. page 7.. this blog post was page 6 and I do enjoying telling companies they are wasting money and they need to stop listening to degrees.. here is a little suggestion.. foursquare.. learn it.. use it.. embrace it or go home..

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marketing plan, hire me, pay me to coach basketball and glee club put on youtube, facebook, twitter..

2010-06-09T04:37:00.001-06:00

Have you ever gone for a job interview and knew it is likely the people wouldn't get your magic. They would be judging you on having perfect hair, clothes ironed and irrelevant questions about prehistoric marketing practises that people who go to university learn to do. Unfortunately it is all essentially garbage because nowadays a boss that takes a loud poop like my old boss did. So loud that we would msn across the office to shut your doors. They were so loud but something like that would go viral sadly in this online world. Youtube fills its homepage with the same beavis and butthead, station and tits montage of garbage. If your businesses markets to that demographic say for drivers ed then you likely want to do a satire of the driver, student driver senario. I might suggest a tow truck driver following ZNZ parallel reality.. and make it fun.. ducktape and carboard. Youtube stye I call it. probably what I would do if I was one of those CAA member people.

Me I might say why not skip the expensive, useless PPC ads which I say is like hugging a guy with too much cologne and how you never get that smell off. You pay a lot of money to annoy people. The problem with ads is they essentially devalue over time. It is because like the homeless guy on the street we really don't see.. you know the guy who always is talking about being nice to people.. love your enemy and such... It is part of the magic of the human brain.. how we learn things in patterns. Learning to blog out ads is part of the learned pattern we have to fight the man. I would argue that people online feel so obused.. so angry that they click ppc ads now to show support for the website or tuber.. or to show a little hate... had to catch myself today.. lost it at some republican propoganda..

I remember when I coached.. dam a junior high coach who worked at ZNZ.. cause we are in a parallel reality.. how he has ama cover his ass as he gets kids from school to school which is not easy and he raises money. How you say well I did adopt a line but I say adopt the drama club. They will make fun of your business, satire it and even glee. That is right that CAA/AMA places they all wear nice clothes.. it is actually unusual. As a consumer these days we are all ready to hate.. we look for things to yell about. Everything is wonderful at the local AMA. I generally want to hug the people who work there..

Although if you have read any of that hocus pocus they call science of behavior you would know that attractive women really do lower men's productivity... so if I was frazzled during the interview I am blaming the woman you had right there when you walk in plus the place was quiet. I am not quiet so my first thought was do they have a cage for me with a web cam and a mic. The interview what a gong show that was for me.

I must have fun with this in video for me. He never told me 3 people and one of them is a women who I am replacing and she looks like the women who tend to hate me. Sometimes I have this cowboy like personality where I say to the art history teacher so you want a 1000 wonderful words of bullshit. I am the guy the crazy girl who had security called on her sat next to me and I really believe she had tourrests... what does that say about me. First thing she says is what do you think about pay per click. I hate pay per click and 90% of the job was pay per click.. In my head I am going oh fuck.. this should be fun. she grilled me.. I was like an egg on ashfault in on a new orleans summer with a little BP crude for flavor. Did you know they have a straight and gay section on burbon street and the tranny bars are not a freak show. They actually expect you to tip and you can kiss the gators if you are crazy. Someday I want to pay homage to the crocidile guy who made me love animals.. by getting bit by a snake that won't killed me. For me is was a real light... even though I never remember his name or some of my girlfriends who quickly became ex- girlfriends.

I won't get the job at ama but I should. We are a strange breed the travelling salesman of the world and women I guess cause I had a nice conversation with a herpes treatment training for sales reps for big pharma. I was suppose to call her for dinner although I never did because I liked sitting in the lobbies of hotels. In some ways it was a different type of magic. The trill of the chase. The crazy, wild trips from the virgin islands, to Jamaica which is a trip in itself and then to Miami, texas, costa rica and then home. Wild car rides through Canada and the US. Flying to china, getting on a train 15 hours and then having to install software, it not working, all the discs corrupted.. having to drink as to not be rude cause there is no no in China.

I can tell you every flaw of every travel, hotel, vacation or all of the above. I can tell you why certain hotels suck, I could give you real ratings you can trust because I am anal retentive to wanting things perfectly planned with some chaos built in.. however the important stuff done right. I want email cause I am addicted, I want fast booze.. making people wait is a sin and I want food that won't kill me. I don't want kids except when they are over 18.. frankly male or female is cool to talk to you... until you open up.. I also want a safe place to go out and have fun without worrying about getting killed. 3 people with there hearts cut out is not cool cancun... simple the solution with that.. you do like new orleans.. don't fuck with tourists who like drugs too dumbasses...

they call my Ivan "Connect the Dots" Mahony.... nothing personal when it comes to the web.. to the future of the web.. did I ever finish the thought..

oh yah.. I would simply give the drama department and maybe the basketball team the money you would spend on PPC and they are your advertising program. In a perfect world I could be the coach. I was pretty good at it back in the day... lol.. what a dream.. coach a team, put it on TV help the drama club do glee like weekly videos that highlight ways AMA helps people out of those I am an idiot moments and life. And I am a really good coach. My first team I was told to go division 2. We made it to the semi finals and were probably considered equal to this team we played. Our weakness was we only had one guy who could dribble. They took him away and I couldn't solve there zone because we were playing tight. It happens. You hope somebody else steps up and your star tries to do too much. Plus I changed.. oh shit.. I talk about this kind of stuff in my gebaball blog. Coaching is really such a joy.. for me it is hard because in many ways my old coach was the father in my life. He was the best person I have ever met in my whole life.. and all I want is to be half the man he was..

the funny thing.. you pay me 50-60k to coach a basketball team and create a glee/drama club I would make your feed profitable.. plus sell a heck of a lot of the services you offer plus build you an app where other CAA members would pay big bucks for the backend ... cause there is nothing more amazing than the story teller.. I see how random things connect.. you cannot understand my madness.. cause I sure the hell don't.. ZNZ should hire me..

PS google would be nice to get some help for the fact you locked me out of my cats youtube channel... why are you so anti-cat?

and it would be nice to have a spellcheck that was personalized to my needs.. and inability to spell spell check.. I don't care.. screw you spelling is for people who didn't play sports or listen to heavy medal or have sex..

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